Boardwalk Empire and all of my feeeeelings

WARNING: Do not read any further if you have not watched the season finale of HBO's Boardwalk Empire and do not wished to be completely and devestatingly spoiled.





I'm serious, just stop. It's not going to be pretty.





Alright, well, you asked for it.

They killed my Jimmy. Oh my LORD, they executed my favorite character. This has never happened to me before!! I'm not 100% sure how to cope with this kind of loss. As a general rule, I get very emotionally attached to characters, and I mourn their deaths like you'd mourn the loss of a good pet, but I've never been subject to this. My favorites are always the main characters!! (I know, I'm boring and typical, sue me.) Main characters NEVER get killed off, unless G. R. Martin is involved, so I've never felt the crippling and devastating grief that comes from a beloved character death before. Spoiler alert: IT SUCKS ASS.

I feel like I went through all the stages of grief last night during the scene and after. Everything was going far too well, for everyone involved, and so I quickly became suspicious that something terrible was going to happen. James seemed to be tying up his loose ends, but then so had Nucky in the previous episode, so I didn't put too much stock in that. At the statue, it wasn't until Eli appeared behind him that I knew something terrible was going to happen. But honestly, I was in complete denial up until the moment that Nucky fired. I truly believed that he wouldn't shoot him, that the betrayal hadn't gone that deep. How wrong I was.

After denial, I was enraged. How could he do that?? How could Nucky choose anyone over Jimmy?? But Nucky has always been, at his core, a family man. So when it came down to Jimmy's word against Eli's on who initiated the attempt on Nucky's life, despite all of Eli's prior betrayals, Nucky believed his brother. Blood was the deciding factor for him. Even though Nucky practically raised Jimmy, he never treated him or loved him like son. When Nucky said, "You had everything!" I wanted to scream at him, ARE YOU FRAKING SERIOUS?! He had NOTHING. He had a mother who sexually abused him, a father who abused his mother and was in prison (unfortunately NOT for raping a 13 yo), and a surrogate father who gave him money instead of affection. Yes, that sounds like a man who had everything.

And then of course, after the anger, came crippling sadness. I cried for 30 minutes. I lay down in my bed and listened to emo songs and wailed for my lost love. I thought of Richard and Gillian and Tommy and how they're going to handle losing James. Needless to say, they're going to be devestated. Finally, I journeyed into acceptance, not because I want to, but because the more I thought about it, the sadder I became for Jimmy's life. After Angela's death, he sort of gave up. I don't think he ever expected to come back from the war and since then, he's been floundering, a lost soul, empty. Maybe this really is what was best for him. But it wasn't best for me.

I'm still floored by the choice from a creative perspective. How Terrence Winter made the decision to kill off James Darmody, (and say goodbye to the brilliance that is Michael Pitt), I will never know. I keep seeing Jimmy's head fly back and him falling to the ground, it's on repeat in my head. It was such a brilliantly written and shot scene, that I'm kind of traumatized, lol.

I've never been the person that stops watching a show when a certain character dies or a certain couple breaks up, but honestly, I have no desire to watch the next season. Maybe that will change in time, but for me this felt like a series finale, like the culmination of seasons of storylines, not just one. Will I be back for season 3? Probably. But right now, with the loss of my love still fresh, I'm not too keen on it.

Leighton Meester

I've been trying to figure out what it is about this young woman that speaks to me so. Obviously at this point it can be assumed that it's more than just your basic fangirlness. She moves me on a spiritual level, speaks to my soul. I've been trying to figure out why that is. What is it about Leighton that affects me?

I think part of it is definitely her past. We have the whole parent in prison thing in common. And she's not ashamed of it, the same way I'm not ashamed. I admire that. She's a famous young woman in Hollywood and yet she has no problem talking about her mother and her time in prison. I like that. I hope I would be that strong.

She's stunningly beautiful, but not in a conventional way. She has flaws. She has things that she's probably uncomfortable with. But she's so confident and comfortable in her own skin. She's proud of her body and her accomplishments. She's confident without being arrogant, self-assured and still humble. I've never heard one bad thing about her. She's admittedly sexual and excited about love, wary but not afraid. She seems like she'd be the best friend.

I don't know, honestly. Maybe to some she doesn't seem like anything special, but to me she's an idol. She's someone I try to emulate, to model my life after. You all probably think I'm psychotic, but that's alright. I can't really explain it. All I know is that I'm sitting here watching "Country Strong" and crying because I think she's so wonderful. I hope someday I can tell her how much she's affected me.

TV Reviews for Monday, January 24

So I watched a crap ton of TV this past weekend and last night and I need to get some stuff off my chest. Feel free to commiserate and comment and rant with me. You all know how I adore discussing my TV obsessions. This should be interesting!

Gossip Girl

• Lily wasn't an evil whore of a mother after all! It was all just a misunderstanding! Awww....whatever. Honestly, the whole Bass Inc./Ben is innocent thing was very dull and I could care less. The only funny part was Chuck and Serena in the bank. I was dying.
  

  Serena: "And who do we say you are? My son?"
  Chuck: "Is it weird that hearing you say that actually turns me on?"
  Serena: "This better be worth the therapy."

• I'm probably in the minority but I LOVE Raina. For one, she's fucking gorgeous. For two, she was a bitch to Chuck and I loved it. And for three, she straight propositioned him in the bar. Good for you girl, you snag that Bass! I think they'll be fun and sexy.
• So I didn't completely hate the beginnings of Dair. In fact, I loved it. HOWEVER, and this is a big fucking however, I love it EXACTLY the way it is. Throw in a random drunk hookup and I will be fine. But pleeeeaaaase don't ruin it by having them become romantically involved. This would be a terrible idea for a two main reasons.
  

  1. It would completely out of character. He's still Dan and she's still Blair. They can be reluctant friends but no woman who loves Chuck Bass could possibly also love Dan Humphrey. That makes no sense.
  2. It would cause irreparable damage to Serena and Blair's relationship. Honestly, that's my biggest concern. They're so good right now, and this would be horrible. B would never do that to S, the same way S would never do that to her. Yes, I know everyone's probably thinking, um, Alex, what about Nate?" Way different. B and N were not forever. S would NEVER be with Chuck, not just because they're step siblings (obviously, that doesn't bother her), but because Blair and Chuck are forever and she knows it. So I would be SO SAD if Blair did that to Serena.

• Nate's dad is funny, but poor Natie needs a real storyline that involves him with the rest of the cast. He's going the way of Jenny and Vanessa, not because he's irritating and awful, but because he's irrelevant.

White Collar

• I am SOOOOOO happy WC is back. I missed it so much and I didn't even know it. I am also SOOOOO happy that Mozzie is okay!!! I know, he was obviously going to be okay, but still, it's good to know for sure. It was so cute how all the little forgers Neal rounded up were willing to help Moz. Everyone loves Moz, that's precious.
  
• I really loved the premise of the premiere episode. Burke's Seven were so cute and I loved how loyal they all are to Peter. And YAY Jones is a part of the crazy Kate/music box drama!! I was always sad he was left out. Now everyone knows and we have a little team!!! I freaking love teams.
• Also joining our team is the gorgeous and sexy Sara. Her and Neal pretending to be married was freaking priceless. And now she calls him Junior? Omg, please have sex already. The sexual tension is killing me. Also I loved, "Hey Neal. Good to see you with your clothes on." And then the look on Peter's face and Neal smirking like, lol NBD. Fabulous.
  
• So more questions, of course, because nothing on this show is ever simple. Who is this mysterious man who "made Neal who he is today"? Why would Neal's mentor kill Kate? What the crap was that weird thing Moz made from the code? I am so not as smart as these guys. And how excited are we for THE MUSTACHE??? Haha I can't wait, new episode tonight!!

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena

• I already wrote Carlos and Holly a detailed recap of my thoughts, so I'm just going to repaste that here, lol. Cause I'm lazy.
• I fucking love Gannicus. Like, holy freaking crap. So attractive. Singing that song about his cock while drunk on the edge of the cliff? Omg fucking priceless. And my favorite line: "Doctore, I'm going to train on the post, in the shade." LMAO. I love him.
• I LOVE Oenomaus and his wife. She's a badass and I love her. I am SO SAD she has to die. That sucks. And I will also say, while they're super adorbs, that little moment with Gannicus at the end of his FUCKING EPIC fight (which I will get to later) was way cute. And definitely more than friendly. Just saying.
• I love Crixus. I love how eager beaver he is. And it's SO WEIRD to see Ashur as the cocky dominant one in the relationship. Also, no wonder Doctore hated Ashur so much, the exact same thing happened to him and he took it with grace and class. It must bug him so much how conniving Ashur is.
• Gaia is a naughty girl.
• I love Oenomaus and Gannicus' reltionship. it reminds me of Sparty and Varro. *tear*
• Baby Nevia is adorable, I love how cute and innovent she is.
• At the end, I was so nervous, I kept saying to my mom, "HE'S GONNA GET HIS ASS BEAT, OMG HE'S GONNA GET HIS ASS BEAT, HE SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT BARCA!!!!" And I was right. That was so rough. No wonder Batiatus is so desperate and ambitious. Shit, I would be too.
• Ok so the fights. I don't even know what to say anymore. Fucking phenomenal comes to mind, but it doesn't seem to be enough. The opening shot with the guys head being cut in half? Lol ok wow. And then Gannicus fighting without his swords. Cocky little shit, I love you. And then omgggggg the market fight. That was....the best fight of the series? Can we agree on that? I think it was. So cool. I feel like the changed the way they're filming and I like it a lot. Maybe I'm just not used to it anymore or something, but I don't know it seems different.
• Basically, I love it already, and I am so excited to see how all the story lines play out and how they get to the point we started at.

Fringe

• I was THRILLED to see the Observer's back. I love those bald, eyebrowless bastards. They are here to wreck your shit and the do not give a FUCK if you don't want them to. I really needed them to get involved in our little war and it appears they have. I have more to say on this subject, but I'll save it for the end.
• I loved how Peter handled the book situation. I think it was perfect, kind of like him saying, "Look, I know you think I was with her, but I was actually with you. I wanted all those things with you." It doesn't make it ok, but I think it makes her feel a little better. Her picking up the book was such a glimmer of hope. They can get past this. And then with him almost dying it's like, well yea Liv, he messed up, but you still love him and you know it. You'll get past it.
  
• I can't decide what this episode was really about, and I think that was the point. My instinct says it was about taking responsibility for your actions, seeing the consequences of those actions, and accepting that some things are out of your hands. Some things you just can't control. I loved the scene between Walter and Astrid, when they were talking about how Walter cost that man his son. You can tell he finally understands.
  

  Walter: "I've seen the damage with my own eyes but it's not enough. It's not enough to understand the suffering I've cause."
  Astrid: "Walter, we have been over this. You couldn't have known!"
  Walter: "That's exactly the point. Unforeseen consequences, but my fault just the same."

• The scene with Peter and Walter when Peter asked for the keys was freaking amazing. I don't know how this show doesn't get more acclaim. The acting is so phenomenal. John Noble needs an Emmy right the fuck now. I was so proud of Walter for giving Peter the keys and saving the girl. He's finally realized that he can't control everything and that's so so good.
• I don't believe the Observers are going to let Peter, mainly because I don't believe they're going to allow the machine to be used. There's no way they're okay with an entire universe being destroyed. Talk about upsetting the natural order!! Maybe I'm biased because I like them so much, but I think they're trying to save us, not destroy us.
  

Off The Map
I don't hate it, at all. It has some strong potential I think. I love the hunky Australian lead doctor. He's great, nice and haunted, just the way I like them. I like the interns, they're cute I guess. Honestly, I'm watching for Rachelle Lefevre and Zack Gilford. They're both so fabulous and I love them and I want good things for them so I'm watching their new show. I would recommend it if you're bored.

I think that's all for right now. I watched more, but honestly those are the only ones I really wanted to talk about. New White Collar tonight!! Yay!! Feel free to join the discussion, should you so choose...

Raymond Meier for American Vogue

I adore this shoot, the colors are amazing!!! And the unusual camera angles...so fun. Love this.

A new trend I'm enjoying.

There's a really fun, interesting trend in fashion right now towards androgynous models and I'm really enjoying it. I think it can create some really arresting imagery and compelling shots! Here's a recent shoot for Interview Magazine by photographer Craig McDean featuring Aymeline Valade that I particularity enjoyed.