Thoughts on Blair Waldorf "finding herself"

It’s very difficult for me to hear Blair Waldorf ask Dan Humphrey to help her find herself, but not for the reason you probably think. For me, it’s difficult because Blair shouldn’t be asking ANYONE for help finding herself, except that this girl has always been defined by those around her. She has always used the men in her life to measure and push and define herself. If it’s not being Nate Archibald’s perfect wife, it’s Chuck Bass’s savior, Dan Humphrey’s intellectual, Louis Girmaldi’s little princess, even her father’s Yale scholar.

Blair has always struggled with this, before she “sold out for a tiara”, before she was “traded for a hotel”, she was and always has been a weak, scared little girl who just wants love, family, and to be respected. It’s one of the reasons she’s always been my favorite character. How can someone so confident, so mean, so self assured and powerful, by so cripplingly insecure and weak? This identity crisis is nothing new.

The Blair Waldorf that Dan described is everything Blair is, but she’s also so much more. That person that he saw at W, that he believes to be her true self? I’m sorry, but I would have to disagree. That Blair was no different than high school Blair, she’s just one of the many masks that Blair wears when she wants to play a certain role. I believe I have seen the “real Blair Waldorf” once and once only: on a stage in a dark and smoky burlesque bar, dancing and confident and powerful and absolutely beautiful.

That is why I will always ship Chuck and Blair. Because that Blair? The one that she had never dared let loose, with all her masks and insecurities stripped away? That’s the Blair Chuck fell in love with. He has, obviously, done terrible things to her. But he’s also never done the one thing that every other person in her life has done. He is the only person who has never once asked her to change. Ever. She has ALWAYS been enough for him, even when he wasn’t enough for her.

I do NOT dare to Dair, thank you very much.

Firstly, let me say that this list is not going to include anything that says “Dair shouldn’t happen because Chuck and Blair, like, totally belong together. CHAIR 4 LYFE”. That is not a reason, that is an opinion. Please don’t get me wrong. Do I believe that Chuck and Blair are soulmates? Yes. Should they end up together? Absolutely. But that, in my opinion, has nothing to do with why Dair is not okay with me right now.

1. Dan is manipulating Blair.

Dan is taking complete advantage of the situation and Blair’s current mental state. She is traumatized and devastated, trapped by Louis unless she wants to lose everything. Prior to that, she’d been living a lie, pretending to love Louis when really she was dying to be with Chuck. She almost lost him in a car accident, the one in which she also miscarried her baby. She is emotionally vulnerable and is attaching to the only thing that is safe for her. If Dan truly loved her, he would see that what she needs right now is a friend and a brother, a protector and a champion, someone looking out for her interests alone, not another romantic entanglement. This relationship is causing her so many problems that she just does not need and someone who loved her would think of her well being first.

2.Dan does not love the real Blair.

Dan loves an idea of Blair he has in his head, this intellectual spitfire who is as beautiful as she is loyal. Yes, Blair is all of those things. But she is also mean, selfish, judgemental and spiteful. She’s stubborn and idealistic, a romantic and a drama queen. And I promise you this, Dan does not love those parts of her. Just like with Serena, Dan sees only the things he wants to see, not the whole person. He couldn’t love Serenas faults and he cannot love Blairs.

3. Blair shouldn’t be with anyone.

Right now, Blair does not need another boyfriend, she needs to be ALONE. She needs time to herself, to figure out who she is and what she wants. She got herself so turned around and confused, Chuck Louis Chuck Louis Chuck UGH, who can keep it straight? She went from liking Louis but loving Chuck desperately to hating Louis to not being sure about Chuck to loving him but not being IN love with him to loving Dan. Yes, that sounds healthy. If I was Serena, I would tell Blair that she needs to let all of these men go and focus on herself! She needs to be alone and figure out who she is. It’s the only way she’ll ever be happy.

4. The timeline feels rushed.

It seems unlikely to me that Blair can reasonably go from saying, “Of course I love you Chuck. I love you more and more every day, if it’s even possible to love someone that much,” to “I told Chuck he didn’t have my heart anymore. It belongs to someone else,” in a matter of weeks.This relationship, though I grant you has itself been seasons in the making, came on much too quickly. It makes no sense. And personally, if this were my ship, I’d be pissed off about that, not excited.

5. Dan is not a good person.

Dan has tricked Blair, manipulated her, lied to her, and taken advantage of her emotional state. Serena, a woman he once claimed to love, came to him and told him she was still in love with him. How did he respond? He disappeared with her BEST FRIEND and didn’t tell her about it, making everyone who loves Blair worry about her needlessly. Did I mention that he never responded AT ALL to Serena? He sent that video into Gossip Girl and then allowed both Serena AND Chuck to take the blame for it. He then worked with Georgina to save his own ass. And to stop the comments I know are coming in their tracks, the reason I believe him to be worse than Chuck, even though Chuck has definitely done worse things to Blair, is that Dan is a hypocrite and a liar. He acts like he is so much better than Chuck and all the rest of them, when in reality he is just as bad. Chuck is exactly who he is all the time. He doesn't pretend to be anything more or anything less. Chuck is a wolf. Dan is a snake.

So that's pretty much it. The problem I have with Dan and Blair is mostly about timing. Could this have been okay if I didn’t feel like Blair was being taken advantage of? Maybe. Dan and Blair absolutely have a connection. They have a great report with each other. I think their relationship is really unique. But I already miss the platonic love between them. Blair has never had a boyfriend who is just that: a BOY who is just a FRIEND. Dan could have been there for her and supported her and loved her like family, and they could have had a really beautiful relationship unlike anything else on the show. I am really sad that we’ll never see that again.